At the moment there seems to be a lot of Nigella oozing onto our TV screens. I’m not sure what her TV show is about? I mean, it’s supposed to be about cooking but to me it just looks like food porn!
If you watch her closely, you can see that her body language is very raunchy – she always softly caresses things, licks her fingers or prances around pouring sauces in slow motion while making a lot of cooing or sighing noises. She caresses and touches the food too much, flicks her hair for the camera and when she speaks, she uses lots of very descriptive words that are surely meant to sound rude. The episodes always end with her at night in a skimpy silk dressing gown getting some junk food out of the fridge and eating it sensually with her lips or in bed… I’m not a prude or anything and I know sex sells, but she really overdoes it for me!
Which brings me to the food she cooks. I mean, I don’t care that she’s not a chef, that doesn’t matter. But she just cooks rubbish that’s full of fat, oil, cream or chocolate and we are led to believe this is what she normally cooks – but there’s no way she would be able to fit into the skimpy nightgown she wears if she ate that rubbish all the time!
And the ingredients she uses? Some of the stuff looks really hard to get, even these days with supermarkets so diversely stocked. Some of the ingredients look like they would be really difficult to get or really expensive – and when you are hosting a show about easy meals and talking about keeping a well-stocked pantry, I think it looks too silly and too posh to say you have all of these weird things ready at hand!
Here’s a Nigella recipe I half expect her to make next time I see her on TV:
Omelette made from phoenix eggs, garnished with a sprinkle of spice from the mines of dune and fresh herbs from a garden in Outer Mongolia.
Grilled Unicorn steaks, fresh vegetables from the coral reef and Jus de Dodo.
Ice Cream made from Mammoth’s milk, topped with cloudberry sauce and chocolate from the lost city of the Andes Mountains.
Pompeii Red AD79 Special Reserve
White wine from RMS Titanic
Butterbeer from Hogwarts
Spring water from the Fountain of Youth
I wonder if you can find all of that at Waitrose? 😉
(Update: some guy called ibbsters on twitter posted a link to a great mashup video of Nigella – it’s a bit rude bit it’s taken from things she says during her program – must admit, it kinda adds to my point here 😉 )