So I take the Intercity train to and from work every day so I spend a lot of time on them – it’s amazing what kinds of people you see! I think though, you can probably put most people into one of these categories:
1. The Gollum
This person will not let their bag out of their sight – not even putting it under the seat or on the parcel shelf. They absolutely have to have their bag on the seat next to them, or by their feet (meaning you have no legroom if you sit opposite them) or failing that, they have their bag on their lap. Nobody gets to go near their “Precioussss”. YESSSSS…
2. The Hog
This person will take all the legroom or the armrest, ensuring that they are comfortable totally at your expense – no amount of nudging or pushing will make them move, either. Be prepared for an uncomfortable ride 😦
3. The Chatterbox
This person seems normal until the train sets off and they pull out their mobile phone. They spend the whole journey talking about nothing and when they finally finish, they spend the rest of the time texting and fiddling with it. Try to avoid, they are so addicted that any suggestion to stop may result in a violent reaction!
4. The Barfly
This person can always be found with a drink in their hand … no matter what time of day it is! Normally reeks with beer and very loud. Avoid.
5. The Sleeping Beauty
Otherwise known as “the seat blocker” this person cannot cope with the morning train ride and must lie across two seats to sleep. Often they have their own pillow and smelly socks as you are not allowed to put shoes on the seats!
6. The Laptop Guy
This guy takes up all the table space with his precious laptop and seemingly has a 5-minute battery – because he has to snake his power cord around 3 seats to plug into the mains! Do not attempt to share with this man while he writes pointless emails or updates a random looking spreadsheet…
7. The Traveller
This person is easily identifiable by the very large suitcase in tow. This means that if they get in front of you when boarding the train, a large queue forms behind them as they attempt to get their impossibly large suitcase down an impossibly narrow aisle, then when they finally find their seat, they try and lift their impossibly heavy suitcase onto the parcel shelf, fail, and then try and stuff it in the impossibly small gap between the seats. The process is repeated when they leave the train (and block the doors as they get out). You will be delayed!
8. The First Place Finisher
This person absolutely and totally has to be the first person on and off the train – they will push in, barge past and be generally very rude just to save precious seconds that would otherwise been spent standing around…
9. The Shore Leave
These people often appear in groups, because they all get sent on leave at the same time. You can spot them by their green canvas bags, masses of testosterone and over-exuberance. Don’t sit near them if you plan to have a quiet trip!
10. The Cookie Monster
This person cannot take a train journey without eating. So while you sit next to them trying not to feel incredibly hungry as you won’t eat dinner until you get home, they sit there stuffing their faces full of food and seemingly fighting very loudly with a plastic wrapper. As an added bonus, they will cop a feel as they grab the plastic bin bag next to your leg rather than asking for it first. Eurgh!
So there you have it – some of the lovely people you can find on the trains every day. Look out for them and see how many you can spot on your journey 🙂